Call the Agent
If your vessel enters port, call the agent,
If your bearth appears too short, call the agent,
If your ship wrecks on a mole,
If she's drifting, towards a shoal,
Or your tug runs out of coal,
Call the agent.
If the doctor is too late, call the agent,
If your gangs all have to wait, call the agent,
If 'Immigration' does not appear,
And delay is what you fear,
If this costs you too much beer,
Call the agent.
If the 'Customs' need more paper, call the agent,
And your patience starts to vapour, call the agent,
If they keep you from your letter,
From your wife or even better,
Those from 'Principals' do not matter,
Call the agent.
If the stevedore ruins your space, call the agent,
If you have your nerves to brace, call the agent,
If you have to stop for rain,
To wait for cargo all in vain,
And all your gangs idle again,
Call the agent.
A Tradition in Shipping and International Trade since 1879
If you want to go ashore, call the
agent,
To make some fun and maybe more, call the agent,
If the crew had been in fight,
Or more water to be supplied,
Urgencies all through the night,
Call the agent.
If you got fuel spilled over the deck, call the agent,
If the gangway is a wreck, call the agent,
If the old man's on a blink,
Or a draft falls in the drink,
If you have no time to think,
Call the agent.
Yea, that's who the fall-guy is, it's the agent,
All the petty grieves are his, damn the agent,
And at that, the bloody old fool,
Remains to you a useless tool,
Thanks Heaven, you are always cool,
And not the Agent.